The New Girl

A college friend of mine loved to proclaim "There's only two kinds of people in this world; the kind who like Loretta Lynn and the kind who don't."

Now, he was right, and I'm sure y'all don't have to guess twice to figure out which camp I fall into.  I love Miss Loretta. I grew up right down the road (well, about 30 miles if you prefer precision to folksiness) from Butcher Holler.  My granddaddy -- a pretty good bluegrass guitar player in his own right -- raised us to believe that Coal Miner's Daughter was one of the greatest films of all time.  And, in my estimation, Miss Loretta can do no wrong.

Well, last week, Miss Loretta went and did something that made me raise an eyebrow.  She came up on stage at the Opry and announced her choice for the star in the upcoming Coal Miner's Daughter musical.  It seems that the Queen herself hand-picked Zooey Deschanel to play the Loretta character on Broadway.  I feel disloyal, y'all. And conflicted.

Via Coal Miner's Daughter Broadway
The thing is, Zooey Deschanel really bugs me.  I know she has legions of fans. My little brother is a dyed-in-the-wool hipster and just loves her.  But, there's just something so...contrived... about Our Lady of the Perky Bangs.  The over-the-top way that she invites Siri in from the rain for some tomato soup and dancing is just too perfectly quirky.  It's just overkill, and I can't imagine her not adding the same smirk to wide-eyed country girl Loretta.  I really fear for Doolittle's baloney sandwiches, y'all. 
Now, back in 1979, Miss Loretta famously pulled Sissy Spacek on the Opry stage the same way, to announce the lead of the Coal Miner's Daughter film.  But, Sissy Spacek is a Texan by birth and a Virginian by choice.  Her name is Sissy, for goodness' sake.  She's not from a California acting family. And she knows how to intone words.

I guess I need to trust that Miss Loretta knows how to tell her own story.  I guess I need to remember that the Cult of Zooey is not all that different from my college friend's assessment of the Loretta Club.  We'll see.