How to Write a Sorority Recommendation Letter
Tips for recommending a college woman to a sorority chapter.
As summer nears its end and school starts back up, I find myself getting a few requests every year for recruitment recommendation letters. And, in recent years, I’ve also gotten some requests for a blog post about how to recommend a young woman to a sorority chapter. I actually completed a recommendation yesterday, and I have to say that it’s way easier than it used to be!!
Striped Tee: Vineyard Vines | White capri jeans: Denizen by Levi (can’t find a link, but they were at Target last week) | Sneakers: Superga 2750 | Necklace: Elva Fields
When I was in undergrad, I served my sorority chapter as Recommendation Chair. In those days, as well as when I was a new alumna and an adviser to my chapter, we relied on handwritten letters that were mailed directly to the individual sorority chapters. With stamps and everything! Over the years, this shifted first to “download a PDF, complete it and mail it to the chapter” to the new standard of “complete a quick recommendation form on the sorority’s national website and it will be integrated into the ranking portal. It’s a little less personal, but a whole lot easier — not to mention more reliable and standardized!!! I’ve put together a few tips to remember when writing a sorority recommendation letter. While, of course, I only have first-hand experience with my sorority, Phi Mu, most of these tips should extend to your organization. You may want to check with your sorority’s national website and with the chapter to whom you’re recommending the Potential New Member for specifics!
Keep your purpose in mind!
A recommendation is an introduction. It’s a way of saying to a sorority chapter that you, as an alumna, would like to make an introduction. Think of it as serving as a reference for a job interview — the hard work is there for the applicant to do, but you’re laying the groundwork to make it a little easier for them! Now, a lot of mythology lies around the value of a recommendation letter, and I’ve found that these things vary strongly among individual sorority chapters. Some chapters are rumored to find more value in recommendations from alumnae of their own chapter or from in-state alumnae; others count all recommendations as equal. Regardless of these variations, your recommendation isn’t a guarantee that a potential new member will be invited back to multiple rounds of recruitment parties or that she will be extended a bid. You’re simply alerting the chapter that an alumna vouches for her.
Gather as much information as possible!
Just as with nearly anything else in life, the more prep work you do ahead of time, the easier your letter-writing process will be. Ask the woman whom you’re recommending for digital files of her resume and photo. Be specific — my sorority’s portal asks for high school GPA, high school activities and leadership potential, and any sorority legacy information. This helps introduce the young woman to a sorority chapter and it reinforces that you’re recommending someone whom you actually know! Additionally, make sure you know the recruitment dates for the university where she’ll be rushing, and get your recs in on time!
Be honest!
I know that I shouldn’t have to say this, but be as candid as possible in your recommendation process. Don’t claim to know someone better than you do; you’re doing a disservice to both the rushee and the sorority chapter!
Be gracious!
Again, I know that HerKentucky readers are, as a general rule, a polite and gracious group. But, I do want to remind you to mind your manners when interacting with the sorority chapter. The chapter doesn’t owe you an explanation if the woman whom you recommended is ultimately not invited to join your organization. Remember that recruitment is a very stressful time for collegiate members and recruitment members alike; as an adult who is at a remove from the situation, please ignore the temptation to incite additional drama. It doesn’t matter how involved you were with your sorority during your college years — the sorority chapter has, very likely, evolved since then. A woman who may have been your “rush crush” back in the day may find a far better fit with another organization.
“I believe in pink” — Audrey Hepburn
I hope these simple, common-sense tips help you introduce a PNM to a chapter of your organization. Let me know in the comments if you’ve written a rush letter this year!
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Why I'd Insist That My Daughter Participate in Sorority Rush
How sorority recruitment prepares young women for professional life.
This time of year, I always start thinking about sorority recruitment. It's one of those things that, for former sorority girls like myself, are simply unavoidable. Warm (or sometimes not-so-fond) memories of skit practice, of those girls whom you just knew would make wonderful sisters, of the tense voting sessions, the long afternoons of decorations, and the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect t-shirts. It's been a rite of passage for American college women for decades. And while for many it holds the hellish connotation of boot camp or medical residency, it's something that I believe that all college women should undertake if their circumstances possibly allow.
I've said it, time and again: If I had a college-age daughter, I'd insist that she at least go through rush. I'd prefer that she join a sorority, and I'd really prefer that she join my sorority, but she definitely should rush.
I know how that sounds. Really, I do. It paints me as a silly, antiquated Southern woman, somewhere between a Eudora Welty character and Suzanne Sugarbaker. Maybe even the ladies in The Help*. But, hear me out. There are some really valuable lessons -- both personal and professional -- to be gleaned from the recruitment experience.
Me, circa a million years ago.
If, indeed, college is really about fully preparing a student for both life and the professional arena, then rush is the first true skills-based interview many young women will ever undertake. Think about it:
- Well-qualified candidates know that it's more than just applying and showing up. They take pride in their applications, they solicit letters of recommendation, and they find a way to stand out on paper. They tell a cohesive story that accentuates their strengths and, often, puts a positive spin on their weaknesses. They seek out alumnae to recommend them when possible. They put together a package that, hopefully, stands out to a chapter.
- Potential New Members quickly develop their very first elevator pitches. Over the period of a day or two, rushees learn to market themselves as highly sought-out candidates for an organization. Successfully selling oneself as a potential fit for an organization -- be it club membership or a dream job at a corporation -- requires a delicate balance of ego, humility, assertiveness, and grace. In a society that often tends to shut out women's voices, recruitment can provide a rare girls-only arena for developing the skill of selling oneself as a candidate.
- It's a great lesson that you can't trust everyone. Professionally and personally, you may think you've made a great and lasting impression, only to find that either (a) you actually haven't made that great of an impression; or (b) the person with whom you spoke was being disingenuous. The more savvy young women become about trusting people, the more likely they are to safeguard themselves. Learning that you can't take everyone at face value is a skill that naive college women need to process as quickly as possible. An unfortunate experience with a disingenuous sorority woman is, relatively speaking, a pretty mild starting point for this lesson. Which brings me to my last, and perhaps most crucial point.
- It's often a great learning moment about rejection and disappointment. Nobody gets everything they want out of life. We aren't all Beyoncé or Kate Middleton. And, for the oddest of reasons, rushees usually get cut from chapters during recruitment rounds. And, most of them will go on to get rejected by a dream medical school or employer at some point. It's a hard lesson to learn, but the earlier you start picking yourself up, the less likely you are to be devastated by future rejections. Or, maybe the rushee loves a chapter, but ultimately walks away from the recruitment process because money is tight or her schedule simply doesn't allow time for sorority membership. It may teach her to question her whether her "dream" law school or internship or job is, in reality, the right fit for her. That's a pretty darn good skill to have on hand.
If you think of sorority recruitment as a mini-boot camp for future entrepreneurs and professionals, doesn't it just makes sense to get a foot in the door?
*The author of The Help? Totally my sorority sister. As are authors Elin Hilderbrand and Joyce Carol Oates. Phi Mu has a special level of recognition for all of our sisters who are published authors, the Augusta Evans Wilson Literary Society. #lifegoals
Musings of a Retired Sorority Girl
Every year, around this time, the calls and emails start rolling in. It's one of those late summer Southern rituals, like obsessing over the upcoming college football season or finding new recipes for all of those vegetables from the garden. A former colleague's babysitter is going through rush. Or a girl from your aunt's Sunday School class. And she sure would like a letter of recommendation.
More years ago than you'd like to count...
And so, you sit down with a good pen, your favorite monogrammed stationery, and the rec form from your organization's national website. You attempt to convey all the wonderful things you've been told about the young woman -- her involvement in her hometown church, her stellar (or otherwise) academic record, her potential for contribution to the chapter. If you're lucky, you've met the woman and can speak to her character and her demeanor. Other times, you're spinning a yarn that sounds something like "her grandmother is the most gracious lady I've ever met."
Whatever you do, you try not to look at the birth date the young woman has provided on her helpfully enclosed résumé. If you do, it's all over. You start to do the math and realize that she was born after you pledged your own chapter. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking in the clichéd quotations of Shirley MacLane's character from Steel Magnolias. If you're forward-thinking enough to ignore that little string of numbers, you can continue to channel the Julia Roberts character from that film. (Who, by the way, was a Phi Mu as well.)
As you seal up the letter, you think of all the ways that your sorority has impacted your life. The lifetime friendships as well as those fallen long to the wayside. The camaraderie that has arisen when you realize a co-worker or social acquaintance shares your Greek affiliation. The feeling of belonging that was so important to a painfully young first-year student. The lessons about working toward a common goal, even when you're on a team you don't like at the moment. The commitment to charitable causes.
You need this. via Lilly Pulitzer.
As you address the envelope to the chapter lucky enough to make this young woman's acquaintance, you feel a pang of regret. You should be giving more back. Just after graduation, you served punch as an alumna hostess at those rush parties. You then moved up to advisory duties within the chapter. But then, life got in the way. You really should go back to the alumnae dinners, or see if the chapter needs your help in some way. You really did find it incredibly rewarding to help those young women meet their leadership potential.
And so, you reaffirm your own pledge that you made more years ago than you'd like to count. Maybe you'll help, and maybe you won't. But it sure would be nice to pick up some new sorority swag. They make Lilly Pulitzer scarves and Tervis Tumblers now. And who can say no to that?