My Mom's Best Lesson

Mothering is one of those things I never know if I'm doing right. I often find myself saying, "I'll do it better next time." 

Next year, I'll send out the birthday invitations earlier. 

Next month, I will make amazing colorful, healthy lunches for Lauren every day. 

Next week, I'll make a homemade dinner every night. 

Tomorrow, I won't lose my patience with Ella over something silly.

I find myself worrying about the most random little details. I want my girls to have this beautiful childhood filled with incredible memories, and I put a silly amount of pressure on myself to be some kind of Nick at Nite mom.

The reality is, I get so caught up in planning the decor and cake and presents for birthdays that I often forget to send out invitations at all. I have yet to make a single school lunch for Lauren. (My husband does it. Actually my goal should be to be a better mother than my husband is.) We're lucky if we have 2-3 homemade dinners a week. As for losing my patience, well, Ella's three years old. 

My mom will sometimes talk about the regrets she has about things she did when my brother and I were younger. She can name all kinds of things that she wishes she could undo or do over, and she'll describe them in great detail. 

And you know what? I don't remember a single one of them.

My mom is an amazing mother. She's fiercely protective of her children, but she lets us fight our own battles. She challenges me to do my best, but never cripples me with her high expectations. She calls me out when I'm being a jerk, but she's always my number one fan. She knows when I need her to hold me and when I need her to let me go.

Most of all, she lets me be who I am, even when I know it isn't always easy. I've never felt like I had to do any certain thing to make my mother proud of me. She's simply thrilled that I wake up and breathe every day. That means more to me than anything--to know that no matter what anyone else may think of me, my mom thinks I'm basically the best thing ever. It sounds silly, especially because I am well aware of my flaws, but knowing I've always got her in my corner is one of my greatest comforts.

Maybe that's what I should strive for with Lauren and Ella. Instead of worrying so much about these picture-perfect details of a storybook childhood, my energy is better spent on making sure they're becoming the people they're supposed to be. I have no idea what they'll become--right now Lauren wants to be a rock star and Ella wants to drive an ice cream truck--but I can help lay the groundwork to help them get there.  

I have two very funny, smart, strong-willed girls. As long as I teach them to be confident, to appreciate what they have, to constantly look for things to be happy about, and to, quite simply, love others...what else matters? They're not going to remember all these dumb things I consider failures, but they'll remember how absolutely crazy I am about them. They'll know I've got their backs no matter what, and that the sound of their voices is all I need to be happy.

My mom taught me that, but she'd never take credit for it.

HerKentucky Story: Photographer Priscilla Baierlein

This HerKentucky story features a guest post by Central Kentucky-based photographer Priscilla Baierlein. I am lucky enough to be best friends with the man who was smart enough to marry this incredible person. When Cilla started her photography business, she asked to take pictures of my daughter for portfolio. I had absolutely no idea how incredibly talented Cilla was. I've always loved photographs. Memories mean everything to me. I am a hugely sentimental person. However, it's completely accurate that I didn't "get" photography as an art until I saw Cilla's work. Aside from her ability to turn everyday moments into art, she's also an amazing wife, mother, and friend. I've never met anyone who doesn't adore her from the moment they meet her, and I can't wait for you guys to get to know her too! - Megan Whitmer

Many photographers develop a passion for photography that is born out of their love for their children. They realize just how fleeting each moment is and want to hold on tight to every little memory. My love for photography came at a time that I thought I may never be able to experience motherhood. I may never experience the gentle (and not so gentle) nudges of a little one growing inside me. I may never experience the hard work of birthing my baby into the world. I may never experience holding him for the first time or watching my husband ever so carefully swaddle him snuggly. I may never experience the intense and overwhelming love, fear, and feeling of responsibility that comes with having a child. There would never be bath times with water splashed every where or bedtime stories and snuggles. I would never have sweet little afternoon naps or squeezes around my neck. I would never hear that pitter patter and laughter fill my house. I would never have kisses that would heal any boo boo. It took a while for us to realize that although we may not be able to experience those things with our own biological child, there were other options. Then something happened. After a series of medical interventions and what, to me, can only be explained by the love of God, things turned around. We started getting good news. Before we knew it, I was pregnant.

Now, I find myself falling in love with photography all over again. It's my way of holding onto this time of his life. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about high school graduation and college. Although this chapter of parenthood can be trying at times, it is beautiful and perfect and will only last a short while. I feel extremely thankful. Thankful for all the things I thought that I may never experience. Thankful for the things we experienced that only prepared us to be the parents we are. Thankful that not only were we able to have a child, but we are able to watch him play, hold him, and protect him. He's not sick. He's healthy. And wild. He's wild and crazy and sweet and perfect.

My most favorite photography captures...well...everything. It captures the laughter, the tears, the pitter patter, the bath time, the first breaths, the swaddles, the naps, the neck squeezes, the cuddles, every moment...every chapter...every season of our lives. It's all picture worthy (even in our pj's, with our messy hair, dark circles under our eyes and pounds we need to lose) because it's our lives and it's what we're going to wish we had just a little bit more of when our end comes. I know that although many days seem less than perfect, one day I will hope for just a few more moments with the ones I love. These types of photos, these are the ones that will show my son how much he was loved just in case we're not around to show him.

I'll leave you with a few of my favorites from the most recent chapter in our family's story.

Valentine Ideas for the Kiddos

Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that always sneaks up on me. Much like my Christmas ideas, I always plan on doing really cute homemade valentines with my girls, and then suddenly it's February 12 and I realize I have nothing prepared.

Luckily, I've saved a few cute homemade ideas over the years, and today I decided I'd make 50 homemade valentines for the kids in my girls' preschool and kindergarten classes. (That's right. Fifty. And that's right, I decided this today. If you're thinking, "Hey Megan, aren't you supposed to be working on your book revisions right now?" You'd be correct, and I'll thank you for not mentioning it again, thank you.)

I thought I'd share these valentines with you too, in the (totally improbable) case that any of you have also been caught off-guard by Valentine's Day this year.

Note: These valentines do require just a bit of work. If you see these and think, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Never fear--I've also included a few files of strictly free, no-fuss, printable valentines that are super adorable.

Here's what you need:

• This free printable (There's also a plain version, and it might be fun for kids to color the flowers themselves.)
• Card stock (I used shimmery card stock, because I don't understand why anyone would choose plain card stock when something sparkly is available, but you do what you want.)
• Green construction paper (OR green card stock and this leaf printable if you're not as lazy as I am)
• scissors
• glue stick
• sharpie marker
• Tootsie roll pops

Once you have the printable, it's fairly self explanatory. Print and cut out the flowers. Use scissors to poke a hold in the middle, and stick the tootsie roll pop through it. (You'll need to hold the wrapper fairly tightly around the stick as you push it through.)

Use the green construction paper to make a leaf-like tag for the stem and write "From: Your Child's Name" on them. (Alternatively, print the leaf printable on the green card stock and then cut the leafs out and write your child's name on them. I decided fifty flowers were plenty enough to cut out and I would become a violent, angry person if I had to cut out fifty little leaves too. So I just cut fifty little straight-edged tags. Voila!) Glue the leaf/tag to the stem. I pushed my tags up pretty far so they'd also serve as a stopper to keep the flowers from slipping down the stem.

Skip To My Lou has several free printable valentines, as well as printables and crafts for other holidays. It's one of my favorite web sites--be sure to check it out if you're into that kind of thing!!

As promised, here are a few free, printable valentines that require no extra work aside from cutting them out! (Be sure to explore the sites they're from, because there's lots of cute stuff on there!)

 

Kentucky in One Word: Southern

Everything I love so much about growing up in Kentucky and continuing to call it home can be summed up in one word: Southern. 

The view from my parents' house

I'm not talking about its geographic location (especially because some people tend to argue that it's not technically a southern state) and I'm not talking about its history (which also causes controversy over whether Kentucky should be considered Southern. to which I say, "Pshaw").

In my friend Alecia Whitaker's book, The Queen of Kentucky, the main character, Ricki Jo, is a girl who lives on a tobacco farm. (If you haven't read it, do. Then buy it for your friends. So good.)

Alecia, who lives and works in New York now, mentioned to me once that when she does readings from her book up there, it's almost like her book is a fantasy novel because Ricki Jo's lifestyle is so foreign to kids who are growing up in the city. That conversation stuck with me, because I'd never really given that much thought. After I considered it, I realized that the idea of growing up in a place with no front yards, with thousands of people living around you, where the traffic never really stops--that hardly seems real to me either. 

Where I grew up, five o'clock traffic isn't even a thing. I could sit on my parents' front porch and hear the soft sound of water trickling at the start of the Dix River across the road. Our cows getting out and traipsing down the road was about as rowdy as it got around there. It was beautiful and quiet, and I still feel the need to escape to it every now and then.

I love being a southern girl. It's always one of the first things I say when asked to describe myself. That one word says so much about a person and about a place. I love wide, open spaces with tall weeds, wildflowers, and enormous trees. Religion is a big part of my life. I think sweet tea should be consumed daily. I think all girls should know when to be ladies, and all ladies should drink bourbon. I have a deep appreciation for great football. Everything tastes better when it's made from scratch. There's no party like a good field party with a bonfire and pickup trucks. I believe that "Yes Ma'am," "No Ma'am," "Please," and "Thank you" are some of the most powerful words a person can say. 

There are times when I wonder what it would be like to have grown up somewhere else, or to live somewhere else now. While the glamour of city life appeals to me now and then, especially as I learn more and more about the publishing industry, I just can't imagine being this in love with another place. No matter where I go, I'm always going to want to come back to peace and quiet on a wide front porch with a huge glass of iced tea.

A Dream Come True

As many of you know from my very first post here on Her Kentucky, I've been working on a young adult novel, BETWEEN, for about two years. I wrote it, then re-wrote it, re-wrote it, and re-wrote it again. I'm talking major, beginning-to-end rewrites, not including all the minor revisions I made on those drafts along the way.

Many times, usually about halfway through a rewrite when I realized I had written myself into a corner and couldn't find a way to make my plot work, I thought about giving up on it. 

I'm glad I didn't.

I decided pretty early in life that I was going to write books. I gave up on that dream several times as I got older. Writing was always something I enjoyed, but I quit looking at it as something I would seriously pursue. I didn't even really understand how a person got a book published, and when I started looking into it, the whole process seemed so big and terrifying that it just felt too far out of reach for a girl from a tiny town in Kentucky with no publishing connections and no idea of where to start.

One day, I'm going to sit down with my daughters and tell them that. I'm going to explain how I almost let my silly fear of the unknown keep me from doing the one thing I'd known I wanted to do since I was old enough to make up stories. Some dreams might actually be a bit out of reach. (For instance, my goal of marrying Prince Harry is probably not going to happen and might even be slightly creepy at this point. And also I married a pretty stellar fella already.) But other dreams only seem out of reach because you're told that they're impractical, or that they're the kinds of dreams only certain people get to have. 

I'm so thankful that I have the kind of family who never said, "This is ridiculous. Grow up." 

This morning, I gave my six-year-old a really long, thought-out speech about how I had wanted to be an author ever since I was a little girl and it's important to never give up on what you want in life. She looked at me very seriously and said, "Mommy, my dream is to make toys and houses for all my Little Pet Shop animals."

I nodded, hugged her, and told her to go after it.

No matter what, I want her to know she can be whatever she wants to be. Even a Littlest Pet Shop toy and house designer.

New Year, New Reason to Make a List!

I'm a mighty big fan of lists. I love making them. They make me feel so organized and ready for whatever it is I'm making the list for. 

Of course, usually once the list is actually made, I feel a weird sense of accomplishment just for making the list and then I lose interest. It's a problem.

One of my most favorite authors, Victoria Schwab (who has an amazing book The Archived coming out in January which is beside the point but I can't help but tell you because amazing), posted a link on Twitter yesterday to her own list of "101 Things to do in 1001 days."  The list comes from DayZeroProject.com, a goal-setting website that's free to use. That gives me a little less than three years to accomplish the things I choose to put on the list.

And being the addict that I am, of course I'm all over this. 

As it turns out, coming up with 101 things to do is pretty daunting. I'm trying to think in terms of life goals, rather than my usual "Empty the laundry basket"- and "Pick up some Cherry Coke Zero"- type goals.

As I start to create my list, I'm focusing on two main things: writing and traveling. I thought this might interest you because a lot of my travel goals are Kentucky-related. I'd like my 6-year-old daughter to get to know some of the cool things to be found in the state that she lives in, just like I did when I was a kid. So obviously, a few easy Kentucky attractions are on my "Must Do" list, such as visit Mammoth Cave, go see The Stephen Foster Story, and go watch UK play in a Final Four game (because we all know that'll happen again in the next three years anyway). Aside from the normal Kentucky activities, I'm using a book, Kentucky Curiosities, to help me find other lesser-known places to check out.

My list isn't complete yet, but I'll be adding to it over the next few days. Feel free to take a look, and if you decide to make one, please link it in the comments. Also, let me know if you have any suggestions for my list!

Holiday Traditions: Reality Check

Every year, I dream up these elaborate plans for beautifully executed Christmas traditions to do with my family. My daughters are 3 and 6, the perfect age to be completely swept up in the magic of the season.

I found some really great ones for this year. I'll link them up for you in case you're interested.

• All Aboard The Minivan Express! A fun little after bedtime treat for the kids, involving really cute printable golden tickets to grab a seat on a trip around town to see the Christmas lights. My girls would love this little surprise! A trip to Southern Lights would work well for this, as well as a quick drive past Fire Station #20 on Harrodsburg Rd. (You've all seen that, right? It's one of my most favorite holiday displays. Check out this video!)
• Letters to Santa party! This would be so perfect for my kindergartener, who's just learning to sound words out and is always so excited that she can write things on her own now. She and a few of her buddies would have a blast with this.
• Put together a Christmas Eve Surprise Box that the kids get to open at sunset on Christmas Eve. Include things like Christmas pajamas, a holiday movie, hot chocolate, a Christmas book, anything to make the night special.

Like I said: Big plans. Every year. All the excitement.

And then suddenly Christmas is a week away and I've done nothing! I haven't even put anything, ANYTHING, in the advent calendar on the wall!! (And the beauty of it is that for as long as we've had the advent calendar, I have never remembered to do anything with it, so the girls don't even realize they're missing out.)

This has happened for three years in a row now, and I'm always so disappointed in myself for getting swept up in boring day-to-day stuff and forgetting to do all these things I'd looked forward to. 

And today, I realized traditions don't have to be perfectly organized events doused in hot chocolate and tied together with sparkly ribbons. I realized that we already had traditions that I didn't even consider to be "real" traditions.

We put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving every year. I pull out my vinyl albums of Christmas music and put them in the record player and blast them throughout the house. Lauren loves helping me bring all the decorations out of storage, and the girls help put the ornaments on the tree. to decorate their own trees in their rooms. I did make hot chocolate. (This amaaaazing hot chocolate. Make it, make it, make it.) And almost every night this month we've watched a holiday-themed show or movie, unless UK basketball was on, obviously. And on Christmas Eve, just like we've done the last 3 years, the girls will wear matching Christmas pajamas...the kind with footies. 

The traditions may not be elaborate, but they're ours. I still want to do some of the bigger things that require more planning (and yes, advent calendars seem like a lot of planning to me), but for now, I know that Lauren already looks forward to these little things every year, and Ella is starting to get into them too. It's that time of year when every little thing seems magical, especially when kids are involved. When I see the girls decorating the trees in their rooms, or watch them eat the slice-and-bake Christmas cookies from the store (because I never remember to get the cookie decorating supplies to do the "real" homemade Christmas cookies), they are thrilled to pieces. And suddenly, my little traditions seem like enough.